JIM IS BOSS

IM NOT HEER TO COPLAIN ABUOT EPLOYEES WHO ARE IDIOOTS MORNOS OR AMBESILES IM HERE TO TELL YOU THE SMRAT BOSS HOW TO USE THIM TO YOUR AVDANTAGE

LEST STRAT WITH THE IDOIT HES SO SPTUPID THAT HE HAS TO BE REMAINEDED TO BREETHE THE IDOOIT IS A PREFECT MATCH FROR JOBS THAT ARE JSUT DOIG THE SAM THNIG OVER AND OVER AGAIN FROR EXAPLE STACKIG BOXXES

THE MRONON IS A LITTLE SMRATER THAT THE IDOOT HE BRAETHE ALL BY HIMSLEF YOU CAN TAIRN A MOROON TO RUN A COPUTRER I WUOLD RECOMMMEND AUTTOCAD

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HOLEY CARP I HVAVE BEEN POSTIG STRUFF FROR A MONTHE ERVRY DAY AND IT TRUNS OUT INSTAED OF USIG THE WEBSITTE SOFTRWARE I WAS USIG A TREMINAL WINDOW

TAHGT MEAN THAT A MONTHS WROTH OF BRAILAINCE IS DWON THE DARIN

OH WELL JIM THE BSOSS IS SMRAT ENOGH TAT HE CAN ALWAYS CMOME UP WITH GENUIS REMRAKS

TODAY HE WIRTE ABUOT THE WROLDS EASIEST WAY TO GET RICH

PALY ON THE PGA TUOR

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I CNOSIDER SETVE BLAMMER TO BE THE SNIGLE SMRATEST MAN IN THE WROLD

ABLERT EISENSTIEN COULD HAVE LAERNED FROM THIS MANN

BLAMMER GAVVE A SPEECH TIHS WEEK AND HERE WAHT HE ASAID

"Apple gained about one point [in global market share], but now I think the tide has really turned back the other direction. The economy is helpful. Paying an extra $500 for a computer in this environment -- same piece of hardware -- paying $500 more to get a logo on it? I think that's a more challenging proposition for the average person than it used to be."

YOU TELL EM SVETE OLNY AN IDOOIT WUOLD PAY TOO MUCH MNONEY FROR A COPUTRER ESPECAILLY ONE WITH APPLES ON IT

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DOWNZSING IS A FACT OF LIFE ERVYBODY IN BUSINESS DOES IT

BUT SOMETIMES EPLOYEES DNOT RAECT VERY WELL TO BEING LAUID OFF

I DNOT UNDRESTAND HOW SELFISH THESE IDOITS CXAN BE

BUT STILL A GOOD BOSS HAS AMPATHY FROR HIS SUBRODINATES AND TRIES TO HLPE THEM COPE

SO THE NXET TIME YOU GVIVE SMOMBODY THE AX I HVAVE TWO WRODS FOR YOU

SLCUMDOG MILLAOINAIRE

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FORM SHRAK TANK:

Good work, Jim. To recognize you I want to share the list of "Jim-isms" that I have been maintaining:

work = wrok
place = palce
workplace = wrok palce
program = pogram
monotonous = monogamous
third degree = thurd degree

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A BOSS HAS MANNY CHALLANGES ONE OF THEM IS KEEPING YOUR EPOLYEES INTRESTED IN IMPORVIG THEMSLEVES

SOMETIMES IF SMOMENONE WROK FOR YOU FOR MANY YAERS HE CAMN GET COPLMACENT

TIHS CAN HAPPEN IF HE FEEL LIKE HE BEEN THEER SO LONG THAT HE WILL AWLAYS HAVE A JOB AND CANT BE FRIED

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH THAT FUNNY AT WROK-PALCE ANYBDODY CAN BE FIRRED AND THEY ALL KNOW IT

BUT WAHT IF THINGS ARENT LIKE TAHT WHERE YOU ARE THE BOISS

WELL IT TIME TO GO HRIRE A FEW EXCAPED CNOVICTS

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A SCUSSESSFUKL MAGANER SHUIOLD ALWAYS LOOK TO THE EXAPLES OF GREATE LAEDERS

I HVAVE SPOOKEN HERE ABOUT SOME TURLY GRATE LEADERS ICNLUDIG STEVE BLAMMER HANGK STAINBRENNER AND TONNY SORPANO

TODAY WE ADD ANTOTHER NAME TO THAT LITST OF IMMORALS DULLAS CWOBOY OWNER JERRKY JONES

LET ME SAY UP FORNT THAT I DNOT KONW TOO MUCH ABUOT COWBOYYS THE OLNY CWOBOY MOOVIE I EVER SEEN WAS BORKEBACK MOUNTIN

BUT I KNOW A GARTE LADER WHEN I SEE HEIM

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OKAY ERVYONE IT TIME TO GET TO WROK

YAEH I KNOW MANY OF YOU HVAVE LOST YOUR JBOBS

WELL THRERE OLNY ONE THING TO DO

KISS UP TO JMIM THE BOOS AND SEE IF HE WILL PUT YOU TO WROK

OF CUORSE THERE OLNY ONE JIM THE BIOSS

BUT ILL BET YOUR TWON HAVE ITS OWN VRESOIN OF A GENUIS MAGANER WHO RUN A VRERY SUCKSESSFUILL COPANY

SO DONT JUST SIT ON YUOR UNEPLOMYED REAR END

GO SHEOVEL SOPME SNOW OFF HIS DUIRVEWAY

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A GREATE MAGANER PUT COPMLEX CONCEPTS INTO SMIMPLE TREMS THAT HIS LESS INTTELIGENT UNDRERELINGS CAN UDDNERSTAND

FROR EXAPLE WROK-PALCE IS LIKE THE DALLAS CWOWBOYS

AND JIM THE BOSS LIKE JERRKY JONES THE BRAILLAINT OWNER OF THE TAEM

I HVAVE GONE TO A LOT OF EXPANSE TO SURRUOND MYSLEF WITH POEPLE WHO AGREE THAT I AM THE BOSS

AND MY EPLOYEES ALL KNOW THAT THEY BETTER AGRRE WITH ME BECUASE I WUOLD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN WHYRER I AM WIHOUT BEIG A GUNIUS

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AS REGALURAR RADERS OF JIM IS SBOSS KNOW THE MOST BRAILIANT MAN IN THE WROLD IS THE GRATE STEVE BLAMMER

BUT JIM HAS A NEW HERO NOW

HIS NAME IS HACK STEINBRAINER

WHAT YOU NEVER HEARD OF HANCK STIONEBRENNER

WELL HE THE INCARDABLE GENUIS WHO HAS SPENT AMLOST A HALF A BLILLOIN DOLLARS ON THE NEW YROK YANKEES IN THE LAST CUPOOLE OF MONTHS

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ALL OF THE GEKKY WEB SITES ARE SAYIG DNOT BOTYHER WITH VITSA JSUT WAIT FROR WIDNOWS 7

IN FCAT EVEN THE GEREATEST EXECRATIVE ON THE WROLD STEVE BLAMMER SAY BIZNESSES SHUOPLD WAIT FROR WINDOWS 77

I DNOT GET IT SETVE WHY WUOLD YOU TELL PEEPLE TO WAIT

I USED TO RUIN WIDNOWS XP AND IT WAS A PROBLEM THAT FROR SURE

MY EMAUIL WOULD ALL THE TIME QUIT CONNEXCTIG AND I CUOLDNT COPY OR PISTE

I WUOLD CALL THE HELPDESK AND YELL AT THEM HOW A BIG SUCKSEFLU BOSS LIKE ME SPOUPPOSED TO RUN A COPMNY WHEN MY COPUTRER IS SKREWED UP

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HJEY ALL YOU IN NEED OF MOVITATION JIM THE BOSS HERE APLOGFIZING FROR NO NEW COLUMMS IN A WHILE

THE PORBLEM IS NOT WITH ME MY HEAD IS FOUL OF BIG IDAES THAT ARE SMPIPLY BRIALLAINT NO THE PORBELM IS WITH EDNERLAND TGHE IDOIT WHO RUN THIS BOLG

YOU SEE HE HL;EPS ME WITH THE TECKNICKAL STUFF I DNOT HAVE TIME FROR THAT SATUPIDITY IM THE BOSS

BUT HE BEEN SO BUSY WITH HIS NEW SITE ZUPTODAY.COM THAT HE JUST FROGET ABUPOT ME

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EVRY BOSS NEED A FEW GAGDETS TO HLEP HIM DAEL WITH ALL THE IDOITS THAT RUN AROUND THE WROKPLACE

AFTRER ALL YOU CANT FRIRE EVERYBDOY

AND LEST FACE IT SMOME OF THE MORRONS ARE OVRER YOU

SO YEKLLIG AND KICKIG ARE NOT OPTOINS

THAT WGHERE A BOSS BNEED SOME EXECRRATIVE TOYS TO HLEP HIM COPE AND KEEP HIS SHRAP FOCUS

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WOW EVERYBDOY IS GOIG GEREN THESE DAYS

WAHT OIS THIS CARP ANYWAY

WROK-PALCE HAS ALWAYS BEEEN GREEN AS FRA AS I CAN TELL

GREEN MEAN SAVIG MONEY RIGHT AND NOT USIG TO MUCH EGNERNGY

WEL THAT ALWAYS BEEN MY POLICTY

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THERE IS TYHIS LOUD MOUTH TORUBLEMAKER ON OUR IT DEPTARTMENT WHO KEEP TLAKIG ABOUT HOW GERAT OPEN SRORES SOTFWARE IS

MY GENYOUS POGRAMMER HAS SGHOWN ME THAT BWE WILL SHAVE MONEY BY OLNY BUYIG MICORSFOT STUFF

BUT THEIS SMRATALEKC DVELOPER KEEP BRINIG UP HOW MUCH MONEY HE IS SAVIG WROK-PALCE BY USIG OPEN SROUCE STUFF

WHAT IS A BOSS TO DO

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ALL GERAT BOSSES HAVE ONETHIG IN COMMON

THEY ALL LOOK BUSSY EVNEEN IF THERE NOT HAHAHHAHAHAH

BUT SEROUSLY IT IPORTANT FROR A BOSS TO LOOK BUSTY AT ALL TIMES

AFTRER ALL YOU DNOT WANT YOUR MAGANER TO THINCK THAT YOU DNOT HAVE ENOUGH WROK TO DO

AND IT IPORTRTANT FOR REGLULAR EPLOYEES TOO

HOW ARE YOU GOIG TO GET PERMOTED IF YOUR BSOSS DOESNT THINK YOUR WROKING ALL THE TIME

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A READER WHO HAS A VERY SATRNGE NAME HAS A QEUSTOUIN FROR JIM

ORAGNEDUCK ASK HEY JIM I RESEPCT YOUR INTLEIGNECE SO I WNAT TO KONW WHAT SHUOLD I DO TO WAETEHER OUT THE STOOK MRAKET CARSH

HERE MY ADVICE ORAGNEDUCK

STOP EATIG FOR A WHILE

MY GEUSS IS YOU CAL,L YUORSLEF ORANEDUCK BECASUE YOU LIKE EATIG LOTS OF DUCK ALA ORAANGE

EITHRER THAT OR MAYBE YOU ARE BIG HIARY AND ORAGNE LIKE THOSE MPONKEYS

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SOMETIMERS EVEN THE BOS HAS TO TAKE SMOME TOIME AWAY FROM WORK

IT CANT BE TOO MUCH TIME BACUASE THE PLACE WILL FALL APRART IF THE BOSS ANIT THERE

BUT EVEN SO A WQEEK OFF HERE AND THERE WIL,L CLAER YOUR SNIUISES AND GIVE YOU A NEW PRESPECTIVE ON LIFE

BUT THE REALLY BAD PART ABOUYT THAKIG A WEEK OFF IS HAVIG TO PICK UP THE PEECES AT WROK-PALCE

SO TO KEEP MY SAITNTY I LIKE TO PLAY A LITTLE GMAME CALLED JEPHTHA

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SMOMEBDODY AT WROK TOLD ME THAT THE OLYMPIACS ARE ON IN FCAT THEY EVEN HAVE THERE OWN WEBSITE

BUT WHEN I WENT THERE AND TIRED TO WATCH A MOOVIE IT SAID I NEEDED SMOMETHIG CALLED MICORSOFT SLIVERLIGHT

SO I PUSH THE BUTTON TO ISNTALL IT AND IT SAY IT WONT WROK ON WIDNOWS UBUNTU

WHAT IS THIS SILLYVERLIGHT AND WHY WNOT IT WROK ON MY COPUTRER

SO IA ASK MY FIEND THE SMRATEST MAN IN THE WROLD SETVE BLAMMER

HERE WHAT HE HVAVE TO SAY

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RAEDER ROBERT ASK JIM HEY JMIM I BNED OVRERE BACKWRADS TO PLEASE MY BOSS I AGREE WUITH EVRYTHING HE SAY EVEN THE SATUPID STUFF AND I GVIVE HIM THE GOODS ON WHAT POPEL ARE SAYIG IN THE BARAKROOM YET HE STILL TRAET ME WITH CONTMPT WHAT AM I DOIG WORNG

WOW RUPERT I THINCK YOU SHUOLD QUIT AND GO TO WROK FROR ME I CUOLD ALWAYS USE A BUTTE KISSER LIKE YOU AHAHAHAAHAH

BUT BACK TO YOUR QEUSTION WHAT YOU HVAVE TO RAELIZE IS YOUR BOSS DOESNT DISLIKE YOU.

HE HATE YOU

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READERR RUPPERT ASK JIM MY KDI IS STRATIG HIGH SKOOL WHAT IS A GOOD CAREER FROR HIM TO THINCK ABUOT

THAT QEUSTOIN NOT AS SATUPID AS IT SOUND ROGER SO JIM GOIG TO ANSSER IT FROR YOU

TELL YOUR KID WE NEED MORE WRAREHUOSE WROKERS AT WROK-PALCE

SO HE NEED TO GO TO SKOOL UNTIL THE STATE TELL HIM HE CAN STOP THEN HE NEED TO QUIT

THEN COME DWOMN TO WROK-PALCES HIRIG CENTRER AND PUT IN HIS APPILCATION

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POOR GOGGLE

THEY ARE SO DESPRATERE BECUASE THE SMRATEST MAN IN THE WROLD STEVE BLAMMER HAS DECARLED WAR ON THEM

IN CASE YOU MISSSED IT HERE WAHT MR BLAMMER HAD TO SAY

At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office. Mr. Ballmer then said: "****ing Eric Schmidt is a ****ing *****. I'm going to ****ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to ****ing kill Google." ....

WELL THAT MSUT HAVE SCRARERED GOOGLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE GNONE AND DOME SMOMETHIG SATUPID

THEY HVAVE RELASED A NEW BROOWSER THAT IS SUPPODSED TO COMPETE WITH WIDNOWS

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A RAERDER WHO ASK TO RAMEAIN AMONINMOUNOUSMYS BUT WHO IS CALL TJ20008 ASK JIM HWOW CAN I GET MRORE FREE TIME I WUOKLD LIKE TO WRITTE A BOLG LIKE YOU BUT IM TOO BIZZY WROKIG 600 HUORS A WEEK WHAT DO I DO

THANKS FROR THAT QEUISTOIN I NOW HAVE THE ASNWER TO MY QEUSION I WHO IS THE BIGGEST LOOSER IN THE WROLD HAHAAAH

BUT I GEUSS YOUR SERIOUS OTHRERWISE YOU WUOLDNT HAVE AKSED JIM SO HERE GOES

WHAT DI YOU DO WEAHN YOUR NOT AT WROK I MEANE 60 HROURS ALLAOW FROR LOST OF FREE TIME AFTRER ALL THERE 1668 HOURS IN A WEEK SO WHAT YOU DO W8ITH THE OTHRER 108

MY GESUSS IS YOU WATES TOO MUCH TIME WATCHIG STAR TERK ON TLEVISION

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IF YOU ARE A SUCKSESSFUL BIZNESS ENTREPRENEUR THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH POEPLE ALL OVRER THE WROLD

SOME OF THEASE JREKS DONT BHAVE THE COMMON CUOTRESY TO SPEAK AMRERICAN

BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW YOUR CLASS AND MATURATY AND REACH OUT TO SPEAK TO THEM ON THERE OWN TREMS

MANY LANGUAGES ARE EASY IF YOU JSUT SPOEAK AMERICAN SLOWLY AND LOUDLY THAT ALL IT TAKE TO GET THEMN TO UDNERSTAND YOU

BUT THE BRUITISH ARE A DIFFEREMNT MATTER ENTRUIRELY

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AHHH TIME TO HIT THE RAOD

EVRTY NOW AND THEN WROK-PALCE WANT TO SEND ME AND SMOME OF THE OTHRER EXECRATIVES OUT OF TWON

THIS CAN BE SO WE CAN HAVE MMETINGS OR MAYBE SO WE CAN GET TRAINIG

THAT HOW JIM KLEARNED ALL ABUOIT KEPNEEP-TRGOO AND LAEN SIX SMIGMA

AND SOMOTEIMES A BOSS CAN FNIAGLE SOME TRAINIG THAT IS PARTICLURLY BENEFICAIL

IM TALKING ABOUT BUSINESS TRAINIG IN HAWAYII

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READER BILL H ASK JIM HETY JIM WHAT IS BETER IN THE LONG RUIN KNOWLEDGE OR KISSIG UP TYO THE BOSS

WELL BILL JSUT THE FACT TAT YOU HAVE TO ASKS SUCH A QEUSTOIN TELL ME THAT THERE NOT5 MUCH DAGNER OF YOU TAKOIG MY JOB HAHAHAHA

BUT I GEUSS YOU WUOLDNT HAVE ASKED IF YOU DINDT WANT ANSWER SO HERE GOSE

IT IPORTANT TO BE GOOD AT BOTH UNLESS YOU ARE GFIFTEDE LIKE JIM THE BIOSS

FROR EXAPLE YOU MIGHT HAVE A BMA DEGREE BUT IF YUOR BOSS THINK YOUR SAUTIPD THAT THE END OF THE MATTER YOU ARE A IDOIT AS FAR AS HE IS CONCRENED

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