JIM IS BOSS

POOR GOGGLE

THEY ARE SO DESPRATERE BECUASE THE SMRATEST MAN IN THE WROLD STEVE BLAMMER HAS DECARLED WAR ON THEM

IN CASE YOU MISSSED IT HERE WAHT MR BLAMMER HAD TO SAY

At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office. Mr. Ballmer then said: "****ing Eric Schmidt is a ****ing *****. I'm going to ****ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to ****ing kill Google." ....

WELL THAT MSUT HAVE SCRARERED GOOGLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE GNONE AND DOME SMOMETHIG SATUPID

THEY HVAVE RELASED A NEW BROOWSER THAT IS SUPPODSED TO COMPETE WITH WIDNOWS

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A RAERDER WHO ASK TO RAMEAIN AMONINMOUNOUSMYS BUT WHO IS CALL TJ20008 ASK JIM HWOW CAN I GET MRORE FREE TIME I WUOKLD LIKE TO WRITTE A BOLG LIKE YOU BUT IM TOO BIZZY WROKIG 600 HUORS A WEEK WHAT DO I DO

THANKS FROR THAT QEUISTOIN I NOW HAVE THE ASNWER TO MY QEUSION I WHO IS THE BIGGEST LOOSER IN THE WROLD HAHAAAH

BUT I GEUSS YOUR SERIOUS OTHRERWISE YOU WUOLDNT HAVE AKSED JIM SO HERE GOES

WHAT DI YOU DO WEAHN YOUR NOT AT WROK I MEANE 60 HROURS ALLAOW FROR LOST OF FREE TIME AFTRER ALL THERE 1668 HOURS IN A WEEK SO WHAT YOU DO W8ITH THE OTHRER 108

MY GESUSS IS YOU WATES TOO MUCH TIME WATCHIG STAR TERK ON TLEVISION

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IF YOU ARE A SUCKSESSFUL BIZNESS ENTREPRENEUR THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH POEPLE ALL OVRER THE WROLD

SOME OF THEASE JREKS DONT BHAVE THE COMMON CUOTRESY TO SPEAK AMRERICAN

BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW YOUR CLASS AND MATURATY AND REACH OUT TO SPEAK TO THEM ON THERE OWN TREMS

MANY LANGUAGES ARE EASY IF YOU JSUT SPOEAK AMERICAN SLOWLY AND LOUDLY THAT ALL IT TAKE TO GET THEMN TO UDNERSTAND YOU

BUT THE BRUITISH ARE A DIFFEREMNT MATTER ENTRUIRELY

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AHHH TIME TO HIT THE RAOD

EVRTY NOW AND THEN WROK-PALCE WANT TO SEND ME AND SMOME OF THE OTHRER EXECRATIVES OUT OF TWON

THIS CAN BE SO WE CAN HAVE MMETINGS OR MAYBE SO WE CAN GET TRAINIG

THAT HOW JIM KLEARNED ALL ABUOIT KEPNEEP-TRGOO AND LAEN SIX SMIGMA

AND SOMOTEIMES A BOSS CAN FNIAGLE SOME TRAINIG THAT IS PARTICLURLY BENEFICAIL

IM TALKING ABOUT BUSINESS TRAINIG IN HAWAYII

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READER BILL H ASK JIM HETY JIM WHAT IS BETER IN THE LONG RUIN KNOWLEDGE OR KISSIG UP TYO THE BOSS

WELL BILL JSUT THE FACT TAT YOU HAVE TO ASKS SUCH A QEUSTOIN TELL ME THAT THERE NOT5 MUCH DAGNER OF YOU TAKOIG MY JOB HAHAHAHA

BUT I GEUSS YOU WUOLDNT HAVE ASKED IF YOU DINDT WANT ANSWER SO HERE GOSE

IT IPORTANT TO BE GOOD AT BOTH UNLESS YOU ARE GFIFTEDE LIKE JIM THE BIOSS

FROR EXAPLE YOU MIGHT HAVE A BMA DEGREE BUT IF YUOR BOSS THINK YOUR SAUTIPD THAT THE END OF THE MATTER YOU ARE A IDOIT AS FAR AS HE IS CONCRENED

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WOW MICROSFT NEVER FAIL TO BLOW ME AWAY WITH THERE AMAZIUNG PRODUCTS

FROR INSTRANCE TAKE SHAREPOINT

SHAREPIONT IS A THING THAT REPALCES THE INTERNEWT

WHEN YOU OPEN UP YOUR WEB BOWSER AND YOU USED TO SEE GOOGLE NOW YOU SEE SHAREPIONT

MANY POPLE WANT TO KNBOW WHAT SO GREAT ABUOT SHAREPOINT ANYWAY JIM

WELL SHAEREPOIONT HAS GERATLY INCREASED MY PROCTIVISITY

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A SUCKSESSFUL MAGANER HAVE TO STAY ON TOP OF TECHONOLOBGICAL TREDNS

FROIR INSTNACE HE NEED TO KNOW WHAT TYPE OF COPUTRER POGRAMMERS HE HAS WROKIG FROR HIM

TAKE UNIXS FROR EXAPLE

SMOME POPLE SAY THAT UINX IN THE WROKPALCE ARE NO LONGER NESCESARRY

OTHRES SAY THEY STILL FULFILL AN ESSPENTAIL PURPOSE

BUT WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT JIM THE BOSS THINKS

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RAEDER BOB ASKS JIM:

JIM: you seem up on technology and business management. Why do businesses pour millions of dollars into Microsoft products like SQL Server, Office, Server 2003 and 2007, IIS, .Net, and, of course, Windows desktops when there are free open-source alternatives out there that are free for the taking? In most cases, FOSS alternatives require much less hardware to run that Microsoft's bloated code. Machines too slow to run Windows' latest and greatest are plenty fast enough to run open-source alternatives. What gives?

WOW BOOB I DNOT HAVE ANY IDAE WHAT YOUR TALKIG ABOUT ARE YOU TELLIG ME THAT IT POSSIBLE TO RUIN A BUSINES WITHUOT BUYING MICORSOFT STUFF

MAN WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN SMOOKIG

I HAVE BEEN A STUANCH FAN OF STEVE BLAMMER EVRER SINCE I DISCXROVERD HIM AND BELIEVE ME HE DONT LIKE MOROONS LIKE YOU MAKIUIG STATEMENTS LIKE TAHT

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SETVE BALLMER EPISTOMIZES THE PREFECT CEO

FROR EXAPLE A WHILE BACK HE DECIDED THAT HE WANTED YAHOO

BUT YAHOO TLOD HIM TO SHOVE IT

NOW WHAT STEVE BLAMMER

NO PORBLEM BLAMER JUST WENT AND GOT SMOME MORE AMMUNITNION

HE FUOUND THEIS ACTIVIST INVETSOR NAMED CARL ICONN

BIY ARE YOU IN TORUIBLE NOW YAHJOO YOU WENT AND MADE STEVE BALLMER MAD

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READER CHANG RABBINOWITZ ASK JIM HEY JIM WHATS UP WITH WIDNOWS VITSA HOW CUOLD MICORSOFT SELL SUCH A PEECE OF CARP TO THE PUBILC WHAT WRERE THEY THINCKING ANYWAY

WELL CHING THE FCAT IS THAT WITH GENUISS LIKE STEVE BLAMMER RUNNIG THE ORGYANIZATOIN YOU HAVE TO UDNERSTAND THAT SMOMETIMES MERE COMMON FLOKES LIKE YOU DONT HAVE THE BARINS TO SEE THE BIG PICTRURE

I THICK BLAMER IS GEARIG UP FROR HIS NEXT BIG RELASE

WIDNOWS UBUNTU INTREPID IBEX

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I HATE TO SYAY IT BUT THERE ARE SOME CROOKEID POEPLE OUT THRER

THEY MAKE OHNEST BOSSES LIEKE JIM LOOK BADF

THAT WHY IT IMPOTANT TO CONDCUT BUSINESS ENTHNICALLY

THAT KEEP YOU FORM DOIG THINGS THAT MIGHT GET YOIU PUT IN JAIL

BUT YOU CAN STOILL DO FUIN THIGS LIKE FRIRIG POPLES

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HEY EVREYBODY JIM THE BOSS BACKL AT LAST

I WENT TPO FLRORIDA WITH MY WIFES OF 255 YEARS

WE WENT TO THE BAECH THERE NOTHIG MORE BUEATIFUL THAN THE PACIFIC OCAEN

WE ASLO WENT TO THE SLAVADOR DALI MUSUEM IN SAINT PETERSBRUG

MAN LET ME TELL YOU THAT DALI WAS A LITLE BIT OUT THRERE

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I MSUST COFESS I HAD NEVER HREAD OF SIR HILARITY CLINTON BFRORE THIS YEAR

SIR HILLARY WAS THE FRIST MAN TO CILMB MOUNT EVERETT BACK IN THE 50S

SO WHT HE UP TO NOW WELL LET ME TELL YOU

NOW HE RUNNIG FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNTITED STATES

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE MORER I LEARN ABUOT HIME THE MORE IMPERSSED I AM

HERES ONE OF HIS QOUTES

"We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

WOW NOW THAT SUOND LIKE A GUY WHO KONWS HOW TO DWONSIZE HERES ANOTHER ONE

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SMOMWETIMES A BOSS IS GIVEN A TREU GIFT A GENIUS EPLOYEE

hOW CAN YOU RECOGNZIE GENUIS QUICKLY

WELL LET ME GVIVE YOU A EXAPLE

AT WROK-PALCE ONE OF OUR MAGANERS SPOTTED TLALENT IN A GUY WHO WAS APPLIYING FOR A STUPERINTEDENT JOB

THE MAGANER SAW SOMETHIG SO HE TOOK A CHANCE ON HIM

WITHIN SIX MOUNTHS THIS GFIFTED SUPTERINTENDENT HAD SHAVED THE COPANY SEVERAL THUOSANDS OF DOLLARS

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THRERE HAVE BEEN A SAMALL HANDFULLOF TRULY GREAT LEADRERS THROUGHUOT HISTROY

ONE OF TTHEM WAS SIPIRO AGNEWD WHO WAS PERSIDENT OF VICE FOR ANOTHER GREAT LEADER RICHARD NIXION

AGNEW IS AN ORVERLOOKEDF GENUS

HE WAS A LOT LIKE HARRY TURMAN HE CALLED A SPADE A SPAD

HE USED SOME TERMS THAT WRE SO FAR AHAED OF THERE TIME THAT MANY COMON IDOITS DIDNT UDNERSTAND THEM

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LETYS FACE IT SOMETMIMES YOU HAVE TO GIVE EPLOYEES BAD NEWS

MAYBE SLALES ARE DOWN

MABYE PORFITS ARE DWON

OR MAYBE THE COIPANY IS BIEG RUN BY IDOITS STRAIGHT DOWN THE TIOLET

UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO HRIRE A NEW CREW BECAUSE THE OLD ONE PANICED AND LEFT FORR OTHER JOBS YOU HAVE TO PUT SPNIN ON BADNEWS TO MAKE IT SUOND LIKE GOOD NEWS

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I HAVER A BAD CHEST COLD RIGHT NOW DOES THAT MEAN IM AT HOME FLEELIG SORRY FROR MYSELF

HECK NO IM AT WROK SPRAEDIG MY GREMS ALL OVER MY COPETION

IT A DOG-EAT-CAT WROLD AT WROK-PALCE AND IF I STAYED HOEM JUST BECUASE I HAD A FEVER AND WAS CUOGHIG UP BLOOD IT WOULDNT TAKE LONG FOR MY RIVAL MAGANERS TO MOCVE PAST ME ON THE LADDRER

SO PAY ATTENTOIN TO JIM THE BOSS AND LEARAN HOW TO USE A BAD COLD TO YUOR ADVDANTAGE

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SOMETIMES IT POSIBBLE TO GET STUCK IN A RUUT AT WROK

YOU JUST CANT CLAIMB THE LADDER ANY BHIGHER

WHAT DCAN YOU DO YOU EITHRER ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE AS HGIGH AS YOUR GOING TO CLIMB OR ELSE YOU DCAN JUMP SHPIP AND GO FROR ANOTHER JOB

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THERE HAVE BENE MANY CROPORATE ICONS THAT HAVE PORVIDED A FINE EXAPLE FOR HOW BUISNESS SHUOLD BE RUN

FOR EXAPLE THERE IS AL CPAPONE WHO PROVIDED THE POOR POPLE OF CHICAGO WITH LIQOUR WHEN THE US GVOVERNMENT TRIEDTO MAKE IT ILLEGAL

THERE ALSO KENNETH LAYS WHO TOOK A FOLUNDERING CROPORATION CALLED ENDRON AND TRURNED IT INTO A NICE BIG BASEBALL STADUIM

BUT WITHUPOT A DUOBT THE GREATETST OF BUSINESSMEN IS SETVE BALLMER

IT IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LIKE STVEVE

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YPOU ATRE READIG JIM THE BOSS OBVUIOSLY YOU ARE AN ABOVE AVRERAGE PERSON WHO IS INTRERESTED IN BECOMIG AND EFECTIVE MAGANER

BUT WHO ELSE READ JMIM THE BOSS

WELL LAST WEEK WE HAD OVER TOW MILLION VSISITORS AND THRERE WERE SOME PERETTY BIG NAMES AMONG THEM

FROR INSTANCE AMONG THE FANS OF JMIM THE BOSS ARE NO OTYER THAN GOERGE W BUSH HILLARY CILNTON JOHN MCLAIN LYNDON LAROOSH AND BARACK BIN OBAMA

THAT RIGHT ALL OF TGYHE TOP PERSIDENTAIL CANDIDATES READ JIM THE BOSS TO HLEP THEM FIGRURE OUT HOW TO MANGE THE CUONTRY

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AT ANY WROKPACLE THERE ARE THOSE WHO QIUETLY DO THERE JOBS

THERES ANOTHER NAME FROR THEM

SHUMCKS

THAT EBCUASE YOU HAVE TO MAKE LOST OF NIOSE IF YOU WANT TO GET NOTICED BY UPER MAGANEMENT

AND THAT HOW YOU GET PRECIEVED AS BEIG IPORTANT TO THE COPANY

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HEY COPORATE LADDER CILMBERS JIM IS BACK

LAST WEEK SOME POTILICALLY CORRECT GUY FROM SHRAK TANK KINDNAPPED ME AND TRIED TO TRUN ME INTO SOME KIDND OF MONSTER WHO NEVRER FRIERED POPLE

IT WAS A NIHGHTMARE BELIVE ME

ANYHOW I AMD BACKL IN FLULL CHARGE

SO LETS GET YOU MOVITATED TO BE AGOOD MAGANER SHALL WE

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MAKIG MAGANERS OUT OF POEPLE NOT ALWAYS A EXACT SCIENSCE

SOMETIMES YOU BECOME MAGANER EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE BASICLY AN INCOMPETENT BOOOB

NOW DONT GET ME WORNG IM NOT CRITISIZING IN FACT JIM PROUD OF YOU FROR PULLIG THE WOOL OVER THE HIGHER UPS EYES

BUT LET SAY YOUR REALLY OVERER YOUR HEAD

HOW CAN YOU NKEEP YOUR OWN SATUPIDITY UDNER WRARPS

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SO LETS SAY YOU HAVE BEEN SPROTTED BY UPPER MAGANMENT AS A POTETIAL SUPREVISOR AND HAVE BEEN INVITED TO JOIN SUPERVISER TRAINIG CLASS WHAT DO YOU DO NOW

WELL YOU HAVE TO TAKE A HRAD LOOK AT YOURSLEF AND SEE IF YOU SEE A MAGANER LOOKIG BACK AT YOU

THE FRIST THING YOU WILL HAVE TO DO IS STOP ASSOCIATIG WITH YOUR FRORMER FREINDS AT WROK

WHY YOU ASK

BECAUSE IF THEY WRERE FREINDS WITH YOU WHILE YOU WERE A COMON HOURLY LABRORER THEN THEY ARE CERTAIANLY NOT THE KIND OF POEPLE YOU WANT HANGIG AROUND YOU NOW

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THE CERAM RISES TO9 THE TOP

SHAKSPEARE SAID THAT OVER A THUOSAND YEARS AGO AND HE KENW WHAT HE TALKIG ABOUT TOO IN FACT IF HE WAS ALIVE NOW HE WUOLD PORBABL;Y BE A SUCKSESFUL CORPROATE MAGANER LIKE ME

ONE OF THE MAGANERS JOBS IS TO LOOK OVERE HIS EPLOYEES AND MAKE RECOMENDATYIONS AS TO WHO SHUOLD GO INTYO MAGENMANT TRAINIG

SO WHAT ARE SIGNS THAT A EPLOYEE MIHGT BE THE NEXT JIM THE BOSS

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EVRER SINCE WROK-PALCE SENTR ME TO KOPENR-TERGOE DECSION MAKIG TRAININGG MY LIFE AHS CHAGNED FOR THE BETTER

NOW I NEVRWER MAKE A DESCIOSN WITHOUT CONSUTIG MY KOPNER-TERGOE MANUALS

IM SRERIOUS JUST NOW I WASNT SRURE IF I WATNED CREAM IN MY COFFEY SO I GOT MY MANAULS OUT DREW SOME FLOW CHRATS AND WEIGHED ALL POSSIBLBE OPTOINS

I FINALY DECIDED TO GO WITH BLACK COFFEY BUT BY THEJN SMOMEBODY ELSE HAD EMPTIED THE POT

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